Fear

fear

noun

1.

a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil,pain, etc., whether the

threat is real or imagined; thefeeling or condition of being afraid. - Dictionary.com

Everyone is afraid of something. There is that one thing that makes their blood run cold. That makes their heart stop and their breath catch with a sharp inhalation and the thought of

"oh dear lord no"

Your pulse quickens and you grab your chest with the thought that "this is it"

For some people it is spiders, clowns, enclosed spaces.

For me the one thing I feared the most was a cancer diagnosis.

In May of 2011 my biggest fear became my reality. My waking nightmare came to keep me company.It was the phone call that changed my life. It spun me around upside down and every which way but up.

My doctor called with my biopsy results. "Charity, your biopsy came back indicative of papillary thyroid carcinoma. It is a very treatable cancer, but I will need you to come in to discuss having your thyroid removed. Do you have any questions?" I heard my voice squeak out a weak "no" as he passed the phone to his receptionist to schedule my follow up.

Of course I would have questions later... But for now I couldn't think. I was trying to wrap my skull around that word. "Carcinoma"

car·ci·no·ma

 

a malignant and invasive epithelial tumor that spreads by metastasis

and often recurs after excision; cancer. - Dictionary.com

I was trying to come to grips with the idea that there was an invader in my body trying to take over and it wanted to kill me. My mind was imagining it growing at incredulous speeds... These unwelcome cells growing, dividing, spreading and attaching themselves to my body.

I have had my cancer removed by total thyroidectomy. Endured the 2 week isolation that was necessary with the Radioactive iodine that I had to swallow.

I have endured, the monthly blood tests, whole body scans, chills, hair loss (minor), exhaustion.

I have endured. I have fought.

Things aren't easy. Life is full of battles and scars. I will wear my scars with pride. They have brought me to where I am today. My scar is a trophy I carry with me everywhere I go. Proudly displayed upon my neck for everyone to see.

Have I conquered my fear? No. I have learned and I have grown from fighting my fear. Its always there lurking in the darkness, keeping me company at night in my dreams. But, I do know that when my fear comes back, I will fight. I will endure, I will survive.

So, I say to you... You are stronger than your fear. Stand tall, be strong and fight your fear with all your might. You will grow in the process and you will win the fight. Your fear is not as powerful as it may seem. You will fight. You will endure. You will grow.

It may change you. However, it is a transformation that will lead you on a path that is full of light and awareness.

Stay Strong.